Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
