Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
