so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
