i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
