worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
