My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
