So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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