remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
