Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
