Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
The Olympian is in my bed
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
