It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
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