First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
