I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
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