I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Randomize
