genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
