I CAN MOONWALK!
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
