so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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