Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
