I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
