Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
