Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
My ass is underappreciated
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
