my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
