I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
