I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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