i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
