I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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