He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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