you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
We have started to decorate penises.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
me + whiskey = a bad person
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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