please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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