I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
