Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
