he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
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