keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
