Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
