i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
im holly from the hills drunk
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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