Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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