Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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