i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
