all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
