someone threw a dead crab at me
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
