The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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