she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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