drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
The power of my boobs compel you
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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