i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
i dont even know how to be here
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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