where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
