Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
