I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
