Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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