And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
