he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
