She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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